4 severe panic attacks in 48 hours…now that’s setting a record my friends!
I always regard my anxiety as a ‘blessing’ because I do feel gratitude for the disorder I have to live with each and every day. There’s not one day that I am not giving it my all to be my best self no matter what I am feeling. Every panic attack I had this past week, I fought back-fresh green juice, Marianne Williamson lectures, workouts, doing my homework, and sleeping. No matter how hard I tried to kick the anxiety in the butt, it ended up kicking my ass.
I constantly felt frustrated. In these moments of frustration and feeling powerless, I realized how easy it is to give up on ourselves. Each time I meditated and then had a panic attack, I wanted to just cry in how miserable I felt. I wanted to feel sorry for myself-that I am 1,700 miles away from home and have to suffer from severe anxiety attacks. And in those moments, it was easy to feel sorry! Anxiety attacks are no joke. They feel as if I am having a heart attack while being lit on fire. Sometimes I’ve even collapsed from how painful they are.
As much as I thought I deserved a pity party, I realized that it’s these moments that nothing in life worth fighting for is easy. I’m fighting for the day where I won’t have to be paralyzed by my emotions. I’m fighting for the kids who have to suffer just like I did throughout school. I’m fighting to show the world that anxiety is something that needs to be addressed in the school systems.
Be blessed for these moments of fear and anxiety because they show us how much strength and courage we have. I am sharing this with you because I know how easy it is to give up on ourselves. I am asking that in times of pain you rise up. No matter how hard it may be. No matter how loud the fear voices shout in your head. Fight. Whether it’s anxiety, stress, a failed opportunity, the end of a relationship or a scary situation, give yourself a reason to fight.
I choose to smile through it all.
I choose to face my fears.
I choose to believe in miracles.
I choose to fight for who I am and what I deserve.